5 (more) healthcare iPad apps that I dream of for Christmas

Tools

It's amazing how time flies. My daughter has the same mischievous laugh she had as a toddler when she tried to clamber onto the couch. But now it's attached to phrases such as "ironic" and "fudge" (a polite tween substitute), as well as poking fun at her father's advanced age.

As a matter of fact, it seems as if it were yesterday when I started the annual list of iPad healthcare apps that could arrive before Christmas. For some reason they never seem to appear in the Apple store, but that's not going to deter me from making another list, all ironies and fudges aside.

iHealthInsuranceExchangeWaiverWaver

Price: How much does your political action committee (PAC) or social welfare organization have?

Details: This is a great app for those Red State governors who put their feet down by refusing to build a health insurance exchange because the federal government is making too many key decisions that affect the lives of their constituents. So now the federal government will build those exchanges–and make many more key decisions affecting the lives of their constituents.

It gives the governors a revolving menu of politically-oriented phrases to explain their actions. My favorites: "Don't exchange freedom for tyranny," as well as "Never exchange hostages for health insurance." They have a certain ring to them, don't you agree?


iSGRFix

Price: Who cares? Someone else will be paying

Details: This app randomly generates alternatives to the Sustainable Growth Rate formula--which, if you think about it, is not too different than what's being done already. Press the "legislate" button, and an alternative is generated to the accompanying sound effect of a can being kicked down the road.

My favorite: Issue Target gift cards to the doctors. They have a great band-aid aisle, after all.


iContraceptionCoverageConundrum

Price: The nation's privacy

Details: The second of this year's Affordable Care Act-oriented apps involves the pressing question as to whether your organization should have to pay for contraceptive coverage for your employees, even if the only people in authority who object are the Pope and that dude from Dominos Pizza.

Based on the Magic 8 Ball, you shake your iPad to get one of 20 answers ranging from "it is decidedly so" to "consult your human resources department." Users can participate in an interactive round robin tournament. The winner receives moral absolution--delivered piping hot in 30 minutes or less!


iIkillIPAB

Price: For the defense of liberty, no cost is too high

This app provides more ammunition to those fiscal conservatives who oppose the Independent Payment Advisory Board (IPAB) because it preaches fiscal conservatism. Using voice sampling from the late Sen. Joe McCarthy, this app generates reasons that IPAB should die.

My favorite: Should it ever commence operations, there will be at least 205 Communists working within IPAB's walls. Wonderfully nostalgic.


iReadmissionsRelocate

Price: Shush!!

Details: This remarkable app tempers the cold fiscal climate with the heartwarming adventures of medical tourism.

Instead of ponying up millions of dollars to the Centers for Medicare & Medicaid Services for patient readmission penalties, this app ties your electronic health record (EHR) system into Expedia, Orbitz and even PriceLine to determine some lovely overseas hospital to clandestinely ship that peskily enthusiastic patient.

Your hospital avoids the readmission penalty for only pennies on the dollar, while the patient sucks down a banana daiquiri IV in some exotic locale, far, far away from those dang CMS inspectors. Everyone's a winner ... right? - Ron (@FierceHealth)